Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
