I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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