$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
