she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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