this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
