Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
