Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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