So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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