Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
