I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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