come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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