dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
