I wish my penis had an off switch
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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