we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
