I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
