There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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