At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
