Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
