worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
