do herpes really smell.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
