Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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