His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
