Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
