Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
