Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
