So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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