your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
