I've blown a few things in my day
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
