I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
