Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
