1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
