i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
