We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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