It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
