he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
