Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
