Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
