Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
