Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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