we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
