I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
