i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He kissed a someone with a penis
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
