You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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