More tranny stories later!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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