sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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