no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
