I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
