My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
