they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
