FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
