we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
