just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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