Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
