I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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