My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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