the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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