You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
