Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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