I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
