so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
