oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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