We're like a lot better than the average bears
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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