I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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