I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
