DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
