i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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